Growing Up Stinks

My baby boy started big boy school on Friday.

{{Insert sad face here}}

I am so sad about this fact that it has put me in an incredibly morose frame of mind for the latter part of last week and most of the weekend. I also made the mistake of looking through one of my mom’s baby scrapbook albums of my little man the weekend before last, which has not helped matters out much.

Last Wednesday night Spencer told me the date of our first PTA meeting and, I swear, I got chills up and down my spine. I looked at Spencer,

“We are entering a whole new world here.”

“I know.”

This made me realize that I have to get used to being a parent again. Huh? When Liam was born I did not feel like a mommy. I felt like I was playing a role. Eventually, over the years I got used to being Liam’s mommy and it didn’t feel foreign. But this is all new territory and it doesn’t seem real. I feel like I am playing a role again.

Last week when he came home from visiting his Bubbe and Poppi he was so stinking excited when I showed him the Transformers lunchbox that I bought him. He grabbed it up and took it to his room and filled it with toys:

“Alright Mom, I’m going to school now.”

The cutest part, though, was when he asked me if he could take his new lunchbox to the assembly. The backpack I bought him was the smallest well-made one I could find and it still hangs down to his knees. I don’t think I will ever forget the sight of him trying on his big ol’ backpack with nothing but his little whitey tighteys on. Wish I had grabbed my camera.

The night before school I went out to brave the buying of school supplies (YES, I know it was last minute but I made the mistake of ignoring my gut and waiting for Georgia’s tax free weekend (what I will do to save a few bucks), while Spencer went home with Liam after the meeting to get him to bed. I am told he was extremely cooperative.

“I have to go to bed so that I can get up in time for school tomorrow!”

Meanwhile I searched for prong two pocket folders…which, by the way, don’t exist anymore. You know the ones I am talking about? The ones that have the brads to hold your papers preinstalled? Yeah, couldn’t find them. Oh well.

The next morning when waking up Liam, we got a glimpse into the future.

“Can you wake me when breakfast is ready?”

Little booger already trying to sneak in a few extra winks.

I sat with him at the breakfast table for a little bit as he ate and he looks at me,

“Mommy, I love you.”

“I love you too baby.”

“I’m going to love you forever. You know why?”

“Why baby?” (This should be interesting)

“Because we’re going to be in paradise and I’m going to love you and daddy and me forever.”

I think I melted right then and there. Just remembering makes me say a silent prayer of thanks to Jehovah and pray that we keep doing something, whatever it is, right.

On to school. I hesitated as I ironed this shirt for him to wear on his first day to school. I imagined myself looking at it 15-20 years down the road and I figured, what the heck. Kids have worn weirder styles before. It’s just a patterned shirt after all. And doesn’t he just look too cute in it?

He could be a model couldn't he? (heehee) I told him I was going to put superhero patches on his bookbag...who knew they would be so hard to find. Instead I had to make do with a little pirate keychain I made for now. Patches will have to come later as it seems I am going to have to order them off the internet.

Spencer got some “footage” of Liam and I walking into the school and to his classroom together. Halfway down the hallway the consistent banging against his knees of the backpack was already driving him crazy.

“I hate this backpack!”

After we dropped him off, I met his teacher, and lingered for longer than necessary, Spencer and I finally left. Only to discover that all of his paperwork we had finished filling out and signing just that morning was left in the car. So Spencer dropped me off at the front door and I trudged back through the poster laden hallways to deliver said paperwork discretely to the teacher. I am just about to leave the classroom when I hear,

“MOMMY!”

And Liam runs up to me and gives me the biggest hug.

{{Double bittersweet sigh}}

That’s about all I have the energy to relate today and boy aren’t you glad. You’ve had an earful I am sure…or an eyeful as it goes…more soon.

Already busy at work coloring an apple for the teacher.

And this is Mrs. Miller. His first big kid school teacher.

Reaching out through a mental fog

I have been in such a funk recently. I can’t seem to get out of it. I hate how I feel and I know that I am worrying my dear husband. I can’t concentrate on anything and my mind keeps firing off thoughts randomly that I can’t follow to completion. A million things can be getting done and I don’t want to do any of it…correction, I don’t have the motivation to do any of it. I want to wish it all done instantaneously and ::whoosh:: it’s done.

Spencer texted me this morning:

“We are doing a coffee shop called the human bean. I didn’t get it at first.”

What a cool name for a coffee shop.

I’m tempted to cut all my hair off again. I want to go to Cali (isn’t that a cool way of spelling that name…like California) and telling her what I am feeling and having her go at it. Except for the fact that I think that will make me even more unhappy with my fat face. That’s it. Starting today I am going on another sugar free sabbatical. I am announcing it on here so that I can actually stick to it. This time I am not getting any sugar free candy or ice cream as a crutch. Fruit…no sodas…and natural, harder to breakdown sugars like cane juice only occasionally like in my favorite teas.

So I am getting incredibly discouraged with all of my online endeavors because they do not seem to be going anywhere. I get next to no traffic in my shop or in my blog and I just don’t feel the love as I hoped that I would. I think my expectations may be too high. I wanted everything to take off right away reaffirming that I do have talent and people would appreciate that talent if only I got it out there for the world to see. In my head, I knew and know this to be unrealistic but my heart takes it personally.

I’m so excited that my sister-in-law is coming into town today although it is for a sad/sweet reason. Helping mom and pop-in-law move. It is going to be a busy next few weeks. It doesn’t seem real yet.

I have no idea what to get my in-laws for their anniversary coming up in July.

There are so many things that I am going to miss about my in-law’s house. The large inviting living room, the kick butt open kitchen, not to mention the kick butt upstairs shower, the pool that I never took enough advantage of, the amazing hydrangea bush by the back door. . .

Is this not the most beautiful Hydrangea. I absolutely love this flowering bush. It's fast becoming my favorite. {{Soon to be on sale in my shop for anyone who is interested}}

. . .because it is the hardiest most beautiful one I have ever seen…and the memories. I know that selling a house does not mean selling the memories, those are yours to keep, but it does mean selling all the future memories that won’t have the chance to be made there.

I felt the same way when Mom and Dad sold our home of almost 10 years on Lennox Drive. We moved into that 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom home (not just a house) with an ailing grandfather, two teenage girls and the parents. By the time it was sold, only the parents were left. However, good reasons don’t take away the sadness.