Monday, March 31, 2008

The Greatest Sacrifice

I think that it is one of the hardest things to explain to a four year old the circumstances surrounding the death of Jesus. We are always praying and talking about Jesus and to tell Liam the story of his death confuses him still. He also had a tendency to still think that it was Jehovah who died on the stake. I have explained to him that Jehovah can never die and that Jesus is his son who is now living in heaven with his father. I think he gets more than I give him credit for.
Spencer took this wonderfully silly shot as we were getting ready to leave.

I will add more very soon but it is late and my computer is acting funky.
YAY!! I have more pictures!!

Handsomeness defined

Stinks that we can never seem to get shots of the 3 of us together

Reminds me of my childhood and the many pictures of me and my "long lost" friends

My Apologies

For the few people that read this blog, thank you for bearing with me as I have gotten a bit personal in my most recent posts. I enjoy writing and sometimes I write about what is foremost in my mind. Recently that has been more melancholy things. Fortunately, you all have the ability to choose what you do and do not want to read and can just skip over my melancholy musings if you please. If you do like what I write, let me know. I could always use a boost.


I find myself asking why life can’t be as easy as you want it to be when I know the answer ever so well. Dang imperfect human nature and that self obsessed maniacal Satan. I’m probably going to regret writing this after it is done because a wonderful woman once gave me a very good reason why we should not complain out loud about what is bothering you…why we should not give it a voice…which may be why I prayed to Jehovah silently on my way to work instead of out loud like I usually do in the car…hmmm. Anyway, my aunt once told me that we should never give voice to our complaints because the person who you are talking to is not the only one who is listening. Huh? You may ask. Satan is listening to us trying to find out our weaknesses. He’s not a mind reader so he has to wait for us to reveal them…and you better believe that he is patient.

The reason I say that I may regret writing this is because I feel the need to express how much I feel like I am floundering. No matter how many brilliant schedules and equally brilliant budgets that I work out to make my life easier and simpler I just can’t seem to stick to them. I have no time for anything it seems. For a while there when I was obsessed with Etsy to the point of distraction I let my house suffer and then I was utterly miserable. Now I am endeavoring to keep my house in order and my Etsy endeavors are suffering and I am miserable. I never get enough sleep because there is so much to do when I get home and I have to wake up so dadblamed early that when weekend rolls around I am usually too exhausted to get out in the ministry. Not that I never go but I don’t go enough and I am usually not prepared which sucks the joy right out of the most fulfilling job out there…reaching out to people with the hope you hold dearly in your heart.

OH to be able to work from home and blast my music and dance if I wanted. To be able to take an afternoon siesta not just nap in my car. OH PHBLLLT!! In case you are wondering, that is the noise of one sticking one’s tongue out. I have been praying to Jehovah of late to offer me a solution to deal with this mess I call a career. I don’t hate my job but I can’t help but wonder why I took it. Oh yeah, desperation to be out of a miserable job…that’s it. Snap decisions don’t suit me. I abandoned my thoughts of going to school for massage therapy for this job. {{wrinkling nose and sticking out bottom lip}} I am constantly thinking of alternate job opportunities that would help me work toward my ultimate goal of working part time OR for myself so that I can pioneer and be with my little man as much as possible. Just this morning I was brainstorming about how could it work out for me to clean offices at night. Service in the morning and come home for a 2-3 hour nap….pick up Liam from school and then play and housework until 11:00 when I would go out to do my offices. Or I could always do some offices earlier in the evening with Liam by my side helping me clean. Heehee like any of that would ever work.

Don't worry mom, I will have pictures of Liam up soon.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Waiting for Family

Along the line of being uninspired with regards to poetry…I recently wrote the below poem for a girl that I had never met who is facing challenges on the road to parenthood.

Heart wide open
Hands longing to hold
That one precious life
That little being
Who is to become

Inevitably, an open heart
Leads to vulnerability
Exposing depth of character
Testing the very essence of being
Shaking confidence in self.

The road is long
Travel is hard
But knowing the destination
Makes the journey sweet
Because at the end is

Roads are also twisted
Sometimes unable to see
Beyond the bend ahead
Destination hidden from sight
Testing ones’ faith.

There will be pain
Scars will testify to this
But the strength
That results from trial
Is all worth the joy of

Encountering people who cannot conceive always makes me feel guilty. I never wanted to be a parent in this imperfect world. Sure enough, so many of the fears I had and reasons that I did not want to bring a child into this world are proving warranted and true. This is counterbalanced by the extreme love I feel for my Liam and the extreme joy that he brings me with his amazing personality and crazy antics.

Lyrics and Song

This is one of Spencer's favorite shots taken on our honeymoon in Savannah.

When Spencer and I were dating some of the many things that we had in common was our love for words and music. We would constantly be looking up lyrics to songs and e-mailing them to each other. Even though we both write poetry, we would find our feeling beautifully composed in other people’s words. Since then, we have often discussed one of life’s greatest ironies for poets. When you are truly happy with a person it is much harder, and sometimes impossible, to write good poetry. At least it is one of life’s greatest ironies for us. When I was single and miserable I could write (in my own humble opinion) the most beautiful love poems to people who did not exist or had not appeared in my life as of yet. I could also write equally heartbreaking compositions about being lost and lonely. Now….nothing. Everything seems corny beyond belief. {{sigh}}

With these thoughts in mind, I found two songs whose lyrics are so beautiful and I dedicate them to the wonderful, kind, strong man in my life.

Brandi Carlile - The Story

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
Yeah you do and I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
Is hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...

Snow Patrol - Shut Your Eyes

Shut your eyes and think of somewhere
Somewhere cold and caked in snow
By the fire we break the quiet
Learn to wear each other well

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will

Shut your eyes, I spin the big chair
And you'll feel dizzy, light, and free
And falling gently on the cushion
You can come and sing to me

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Ocean Potion Lotion and Other Products I LOVE

It is time for more shameless plugging for products I love to use.

Product number one: ODWALLA

Since I have been trying not to drink sodas I have been trying to find drinks that will help me with my drink boredom. That’s why I have never been a big water drinker. I simply get bored. Well I stopped at a gas station on my way back from the gym and found the most amazing drinks. Unfortunately they cost out the wazoo…but doesn’t everything that is made of quality products. They are these amazing fruit drinks and smoothies. So far I have tried the “NEW” Energy drink and this morning I drank the Strawberry C Monster smoothie drink that is a whopping 97% Juice/Puree. The only downside to these drinks is that you can only drink half of the bottle (one servings worth) at a time and even then they are more calories than I normally care to ingest with a drink. In that way I definitely miss diet sodas that have ZERO calories. {{sigh}} But then again they make me bloated. I have definitely noticed a difference since I do not drink them as often.

Product number two: OCEAN POTION LOTION (heehee I just love saying it)

This is the most amazing stuff. I discovered it last year at Wal-Mart. BIG bottle for only a little over $4 with tax. It is better than any other lotion that I have used so far…including more expensive brands that streak no matter what they claim. After the “sun season” was over last year, I asked Spencer to look for it at Wal-Mart for me and he said that the associate he asked said they don’t carry it anymore. I was so letdown. Turns out they meant they don’t carry it during the fall and winter season. Imagine my delight when I saw it there again as soon as Spring hit. I grabbed a bottle with no hesitation and plan on stocking up before winter. Who says that we don’t want to look tan just because it’s winter?? Look at how well tanning salons do all year round and this is WAY healthier for you. When I was searching for an image online I came across this review online at that I thought would be nice to post:

Ocean Potion is a brand developed from the Sun & Skin Care Research Inc., founded by Gary DeAngelo in 1989 in Virginia Beach, Virginia. After marketing their products on the beach there in small shops and realizing the popularity and need for this type of product they moved their facilities to Cocoa, Florida and expanded the line. They manufacture all sun care products and package the products in-house. They also make sunscreens and tanning booth formulas, as well as sunless tanning products. Their motto is to deliver products to the consumer that will “tan, protect and moisturize.”
Now that I have perked your interest, I will tell you a little about these products and what makes them so special. Sun & Skin Care Research, Inc. products are all hypo allergenic and PABA free. They contain natural botanicals and antioxidants for maximum skin health and to slow down the aging process of the skin. The products are also not tested on animals. Some products contain sun protection factors (sunscreens of course) and most but not all are fragrance free.

The bottom line is this company produces products that are healthy for your skin. Not all sunless tanning products include a daily moisturizer but Ocean Potion Ever Glow does. To check out their product line visit Ocean Potion’s website.

I’m telling you girls this is a tanning dream come true. Cheap and effective and, BONUS, so far sunless tanners have not been dissected by scientists to the point that any study has come out that poor white mice in a lab that have been mercilessly slathered with sunless tanning lotions have ended up with cancer.


I'm sorry I could not come up with a better title for this post but that best described my feelings at the time. There is nothing like having your hard work pay off. Earlier this week on the 25th was my first monthly weigh in and measurement time at Curves. I had been going for a month and had worked out 10 times by that point. I knew by my scale at home that I had lost a few pounds (more notably, I went below my lowest weight yo-yo) but did not think my progress had gotten that far otherwise. Boy was I excited when the girl who measured me was surprised and impressed by the fact that I had lost an average of an inch all around. YES! That means bust, waist, and hips with only ½ of an inch around my belly (stupid belly fat {{grrr}}). It was also a nice surprise that the scale there said I lost more weight than my scale at home.

Sorry if I am boring you with all this but I am just so excited I had to share. I called 4 people after I left the gym on Tuesday.

I will be posting the more interesting photos of my little man at the memorial this year VERY soon for all of you who like to keep up with updates on Liam.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Forebearers of Spring

I have so much to catch up on but there are not enough hours in the day...even with Daylight Savings Time.

Just sharing a thought I had on my way back to work from the gym today. I was noticing how gray everything is in the plant world still but that one of the first things to bloom before Spring is even here are the gorgeous Bradford Pear trees everywhere. Their fluffy white blossoms grace the roadways with the promise that Spring really is right around the corner. I know that this may sound odd, but, in a way it reminded me of John the Baptizer. He announced to all that would listen that the Messiah was to appear soon and not long after Jesus was baptized, John's life met a tragic end. The Bradford Pear trees also testify that Spring is to come but so early in the season they are stripped of their blooms and leave only lustrous green leaves for the rest of the summer.

Our backyard has two fledgling Bradford Pears and tonight the evening light made them brilliant.

I think the funniest thing about these pictures is the story behind me taking them if you don't mind me quickly sharing. I had just finished making dinner and we were trying to get Liam to come to the table without pouting for being so cruelly ripped away from his activities. To do this, we pointed out to him how cool it looked outside with the sun illuminating everything in such an bright and eery way right before sunset. At that point I grabbed my camera and ran outside to take some far away shots of the trees. Not being satisfied with that, I ran across the yard and yelled at the sudden realization of how cold the grass was because it had been pouring rain just hours previously. So here I am taking all these close up shots while my poor husband and child are sitting in the kitchen watching me with their food getting cold on their plates. As penance, I sat through dinner with the bottoms of my jeans soaking wet and COLD. :)

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Promise

The other day I was on my way to meet my dad and pick up Liam from a weekend in Macon and on the way to our rendezvous point on the left of me were piles of dark gray clouds and sporadic rain and on my right was bright sunshine and blue skies with clouds scattering here and there on the horizon. Of course this meant that the view to my left was so beautiful as the sunlight masterfully painted the landscape with light, vividly in contrast with the dark background. At a clearing I reached, I beheld a full rainbow across the sky that was absolutely clear and breathtaking. Such as I had never seen before. I was even able to see the end of the rainbow, as it seemed to be racing across the ground with my car as I traveled by.

The smile on my face did not readily leave after a sighting such as this. I couldn’t help but think of how this rainbow represented an age old promise Jehovah made never to ruin the earth with a flood again. When you think of it, what an awe-inspiring sight the rainbow must have been to Noah and his family. It quite likely had never rained before so that the like of it had never been seen. What a beautiful representation of His promise Jehovah gave to them. Makes you think of how beautiful all of His promises are and how they are to come to fruition in the near future. :) The smile is back on my face.

The rainbow I saw was not this one but I had to give you an idea of what I saw:

This is similar to how my rainbow looked as it raced me in the car. :)

Monday, March 3, 2008

My Man My Moon

This is an artist I am totally loving right now. She is amazing and I almost hope mainstream doesn't grab ahold of her and play her out. The artist is Feist and the song is "My Man My Moon".

Sunday, March 2, 2008

The Best Help in the World

Liam is at the age that he loves to help me. Like my mother, I am the kind of person that has a hard time turning over the reigns so I have to force myself to let him help me. It brings him so much joy to help and I am trying to better myself and encourage him at the same time. After all, it won't be forever that he wants to do as much around the house. You should see him carrying around our little dust buster and vacuuming up stuff.

Who could ask for more help when making Pancakes on a Sunday morning??

After I have finished making or finished photographing jewelry that I have made for my Etsy shop, Liam loves to be able to put the jewelry in those little jewelry storage bags as they patiently await their new home.

Homemade Tents are the Best

As I am looking through our external hard drive searching for specific pictures of Liam, I stumbled across these and just had to blog about them. I remember the time when the simplest things in life were just the best and I didn't need to buy things at the store in order to be happy. When imagination reigned free over my world and that was all I needed to keep me happy in my little bubble world. The pictures above of my little man remind me of just such a time. Whereas most of the time Liam is very much attached to the idea of getting new toys at the store (DINOSAURS!!) there are many times when the simplest things still make his day.

Date Day

When Spencer and I first got married we tried to start a tradition of a date day once every month with just the two of us. It didn’t last that long. My mom and Dad get Liam for a weekend once every 2-3 weeks but we usually just bum around and/or work on the house when Liam is not there. Well, I decided the other weekend that it was time for a date day and since we don’t have a whole lot of money, I sent him this cute certificate for a FREE date day, where we would have a picnic lunch in Piedmont Park in Atlanta and then wander around with our cameras taking photographs of the sites. For dinner we would use a gift card he got from his job for dinner at Maggiano’s.

Well, it did not start off free. Since I did not have much lunch meat to make our sandwiches, we ended up getting Quick Trip hotdogs (the best cheap food ever!!) and then driving up to Piedmont Park to walk around. On a side note: I tell you that as long as I balked against the digital age I am TOTALLY addicted now. I let Spencer use the digital since he is just starting out on his photo journey and I used one of my old film cameras. Every time I took a picture I would pull the camera away from my face in order to see the shot I took. I still have yet to take my rolls to get developed and put on CD because I am not about to waste my money on having the pictures printed sight unseen. I can’t believe I used to spend so much money on having roll after roll developed and printed when I first started out….I will be the first to tell you that was a LOT of crappy pictures.

Our free date day ended again not so free when we splurged a bit at Maggiano’s and went over the amount of the gift card, but it was worth it. We had a great day and it was so relaxing for the most part.

It has been several weeks and I still have not taken my film to be developed and scanned to CD. I am SUCH a procrastinator. Anyway, I played with some that I took on the digital. Please leave me feedback as to how they look because I have been experimenting with some new brushes I downloaded and am not sure how it is turning out.

I felt quite stalkerish taking the last photos of the little girl in the park but I could not help it...she was beautiful and the shot was too good to pass up. The first two shots on here are using grunge filters for which I will more than happily give crdits to the creators as soon as I figure out why the internet will not pull up their sites from my favorites. On the first shot with the girl on her trike, I increased saturation to give it a warmer hue and then grunged it a bit. On the second of the girl on her trike, I desaturated it some and then added the swirlies. I like them but am not 100% sure if I LOVE them.