Monday, March 31, 2008


I find myself asking why life can’t be as easy as you want it to be when I know the answer ever so well. Dang imperfect human nature and that self obsessed maniacal Satan. I’m probably going to regret writing this after it is done because a wonderful woman once gave me a very good reason why we should not complain out loud about what is bothering you…why we should not give it a voice…which may be why I prayed to Jehovah silently on my way to work instead of out loud like I usually do in the car…hmmm. Anyway, my aunt once told me that we should never give voice to our complaints because the person who you are talking to is not the only one who is listening. Huh? You may ask. Satan is listening to us trying to find out our weaknesses. He’s not a mind reader so he has to wait for us to reveal them…and you better believe that he is patient.

The reason I say that I may regret writing this is because I feel the need to express how much I feel like I am floundering. No matter how many brilliant schedules and equally brilliant budgets that I work out to make my life easier and simpler I just can’t seem to stick to them. I have no time for anything it seems. For a while there when I was obsessed with Etsy to the point of distraction I let my house suffer and then I was utterly miserable. Now I am endeavoring to keep my house in order and my Etsy endeavors are suffering and I am miserable. I never get enough sleep because there is so much to do when I get home and I have to wake up so dadblamed early that when weekend rolls around I am usually too exhausted to get out in the ministry. Not that I never go but I don’t go enough and I am usually not prepared which sucks the joy right out of the most fulfilling job out there…reaching out to people with the hope you hold dearly in your heart.

OH to be able to work from home and blast my music and dance if I wanted. To be able to take an afternoon siesta not just nap in my car. OH PHBLLLT!! In case you are wondering, that is the noise of one sticking one’s tongue out. I have been praying to Jehovah of late to offer me a solution to deal with this mess I call a career. I don’t hate my job but I can’t help but wonder why I took it. Oh yeah, desperation to be out of a miserable job…that’s it. Snap decisions don’t suit me. I abandoned my thoughts of going to school for massage therapy for this job. {{wrinkling nose and sticking out bottom lip}} I am constantly thinking of alternate job opportunities that would help me work toward my ultimate goal of working part time OR for myself so that I can pioneer and be with my little man as much as possible. Just this morning I was brainstorming about how could it work out for me to clean offices at night. Service in the morning and come home for a 2-3 hour nap….pick up Liam from school and then play and housework until 11:00 when I would go out to do my offices. Or I could always do some offices earlier in the evening with Liam by my side helping me clean. Heehee like any of that would ever work.

Don't worry mom, I will have pictures of Liam up soon.

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